Why does one person in the family end up carrying everything — the blame, the mood, the thing nobody will say out loud? That wasn’t a flaw in you. That was a role, and someone cast you in it.
Scapegoating is bullying that a family agrees not to stop, and it works because it holds the group together at your expense.
This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment. In this episode, Kerry breaks down why families choose a scapegoat, why the role follows you into adulthood, and why none of it was ever about you:
• Why scapegoating is really bullying — and why a smear campaign is the same dynamic
• The four reasons a family picks a scapegoat, including the truth-teller who sees too clearly
• What the people who witnessed it learned to do instead of stopping it
• Introjection: how you took in a role that was never yours to carry
• Why the doubt you feel afterward makes sense — and why it was always about them
#NarcissisticAbuse #FamilyScapegoat #BlackSheep #Scapegoating #NarcissisticFamily #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #MentalHealth #healingjourney
0:00 What scapegoating really is, and why it’s bullying
0:51 The warning it sends to everyone watching
1:51 My uncle led the charge, and my family let it happen
2:20 The starving feeling of being on the outside
4:04 Why it happens: the shame your parents never worked through
4:34 Scapegoats are usually the truth-tellers
5:26 The smear campaign: they make you the problem
6:01 Why the witnesses stay silent
7:55 When the family protects the abuser instead of the child
9:36 Introjection: how their rage becomes your shame
11:07 “You never do anything you’re supposed to”
13:05 Why you walk away wondering what’s wrong with you
14:57 The hat in the mud, and why the subtle stuff makes you doubt
16:44 You hit their emotional ceiling. It was never about you.
*******************
FEELING STUCK?
Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.
▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/toxic-or-troubled-survey/
READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
• The Complete Recovery Collection – Everything You Need to Leave and Heal from Narcissistic Abuse: https://kerrymcavoyphd.thrivecart.com/the-complete-recovery-collection/
• First Steps to Leaving Course – Break free from the mental fog that keeps you stuck: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/first-steps-to-leaving/
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club – More than a support group—join a thriving, supportive community where survivors of narcissistic abuse heal & thrive: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/club/
STAY CONNECTED & SUPPORTED
• Weekly “Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse” Substack newsletter – Insights, stories, and tools for your healing journey: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substack.com/
FOLLOW DR. KERRY
Instagram: @kerrymcavoyphd
Facebook: @kerrymcavoyphd
Email: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.com
Website: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/breaking-free/
READ MY STORY
“LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross”
Available now: https://amzn.to/3NVMBXO
KERRY MCAVOY, PHD, an author and educator, draws on her 25-year background in psychology and her lived experience as a survivor to help individuals decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. Her memoir, “Love You More,” offers an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.
DISCLAIMER & NOTICES:
• Affiliate Notice: As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
• Content Disclaimer: This channel provides all content, resources, and services for educational and informational purposes only. They do not constitute therapy, counseling, medical treatment, or legal advice, nor does engaging with this content create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship.
• In Crisis? If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 (or your local emergency number) or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).
source
